Living With Your Memory

I’m not your inspiration 

I’m tired of living up to your expectation

Holding my tongue for your peace 

Suffering your uncompromising love 

Hiding my emotions to keep you safe 

Being the perfect son 

The one who never grows

Forever chained to dependency 

Unable to discover my agency 

You were supposed to be forever 

But how could that be 

You were you were only human 

Why couldn’t you let me go?

Why did I have to be the adult?

You thought you could be forever 

And you left me to pay the price 

I was left to pick up the pieces 

Without all the pieces 

Because you had the rest 

When you went to your eternal slumber 

I’m happy you found peace above 

Because I understand now 

This world was too cruel for you 

I wish I wasn’t a stranger to my emotions when you lived 

If only you knew how strong I could be

Or what the Fates had for me 

I should be angry for what you did to me

Leaving me without the tools to survive 

It would be easier if you didn’t love me 

I was angry at you 

But life humbled me and softened my rage 

I found my emotions and my heart 

I forged the pieces like Vulcan

Through the fires of struggle and pain 

I crafted the armor of resilience 

Keeping me together during strife 

I strengthened the wings of emotions 

To experience joy and soar above sorrow 

I reforged the lightning in my spirit 

To strike out against the world without fear 

I constructed a golden throne in my mind 

To place and contain your memory 

So I may retake my place in the present 

No longer chained to the past 

I thank you for what you gave me 

I learned to create what you didn’t 

I am now strong enough to live with your memories