Why I Choose to Keep Going

I don’t live a life most would consider normal. I can’t move much except to drive my chair or talk. That being said, I’m always going somewhere and you can’t shut me up. I live, not suffer, with a disability called Duchenne Muscular Dystrophy. It’s a genetic disorder that causes my muscles to damage and die quicker than they grow and repair. Though I can’t really grow muscles either. Believe it or not I was walking until I was 9. The muscles responsible for walking went away first. You probably incorrectly assumed getting a power wheelchair would be devastating but no, it gave me the freedom to get around. The donuts and wheelies almost gave my mother heart attacks though. I need machines to breathe and cough.  

Strangers have already figured me out or in their ignorance believe they have. They assume I’m overly sensitive and fragile, yet can’t imagine living with purpose this disabled. I’ve heard comments from random people that they’d probably kill themselves. Feels like a contradiction. Those people have a lack of imagination and are weak by comparison. A friend told me I need to quit being so humble and I think I’m starting to internalize that message. Society tries to put me in a box but I choose to say fuck your limitations. I realize most people would be too weak of spirit to continue living like me. I continue to thrive despite people’s perceptions and little expectations. To be honest this life is such my norm I can’t see living any less. Sure there are challenges but who doesn’t have those? I get up every morning with a profound sense of purpose. I get to advocate for people like me and make a rewarding living. I have the courage to get in front of crowds and speak my truth without fear. How many non disabled folks can say that? Truth is the only way to hide my disability is to stay home and I’m not about to do that, I have too much to do and say. The world will just have to deal with me just like I deal with everyone else’s bull shit. I think it’s funny how much I used to care what people thought about me. I know I’m a good person and that’s enough, you either take it or leave it. I’m not perfect but that’s okay too. I’m not saying don’t work on your hurtful, toxic behaviors because we should all be working on that. Life’s too short to ignorantly hurt others. Though we shouldn’t fundamentally change ourselves and compromise who we are just to appease others. I know this more than most because I’d be tucked away in a nursing home not bothering anyone. I see too many changing who they are to appease others and losing what made them unique. You see this in friendships, romantic relationships, and even families. People are not always going to tolerate your uniqueness but that shouldn’t be your problem. Reexamine your self worth and learn to love who you are, and you’ll learn those who can’t accept you usually hate themselves. Trust me, you’ll be better off without them. 

So why do I keep going? Mostly it’s because even though some people don’t like me, I love me. I also have purpose and still have a desire to grow and experience the world. I’ve learned to never compromise myself for anyone for any reason. Live your truth proudly and nobody can stop you.